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Motherhood

Fangirling and Bath Time Blues

We decided to participate in Halloween this year in an attempt to get our minds off of everything, and because last year was an absolute bust with a newborn and a terrible two-year-old. Matt and I dressed up as Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis from Bravo’s Southern Charm, while Reese got the honor of wearing the infamous shark costume, and Cole was our little doctor (still not a fan of dressing up). We were able to hit about 6 houses with the littles cooperating. I had a major fangirl moment when the real Kathryn Dennis liked my Instagram post (I tagged her in my pics because why the hell not). Anyone who knows me knows how much I enjoy reality TV, so know this is a big deal for me. My senior superlative in college was “Most likely to get cast in Real Housewives of Columbia” or something of that nature. Basically, I’m famous now. Or not. But hey, a girl can dream.

On a completely separate note, I am really struggling right now. Bath time tonight was pretty surreal. Picture this: completely normal night, Cole and Reese splashing and beating up on each other in the tub– making a huge mess, per usual. Why does everything have to be a trigger for me? When will this get easier? I broke down. Sobbing because of James. Sobbing because he won’t ever get to splash around with his big brothers. Sobbing because I only have two baby boys in front of me instead of three. Sobbing because everyone has been able to move on but me. I feel like I’m drowning. I really thought I was making some progress, but each day that goes by just feels empty now that I’m no longer pregnant. Hopefully this goes away. Hopefully writing about it will help me. Hopefully.