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Motherhood

Target and the Basic Mom Trap

So I roll up to Target in my totally basic mom SUV, after visiting the Starbucks drive-thru, because that’s what basics do. And I am immediately greeted by the bright colors and shiny newness. Every time I go into this place, I swear it’s like they just know. They know what I am doing, how I’m feeling, and what I’m thinking about; and they lay all of their cute stuff out there accordingly.

Target’s ultimate goal is to prey on the basic moms whose minds are already moving a million miles an hour (either because they’re hyped up on caffeine from their Starbucks or because they’re trying to restrain their children).

We are the ones that are going to casually fill up our buggies with all the things– because that’s cute, or this seems like a good idea, so we definitely need one of those. They set us up for failure (i.e. spending an extra $10-50) even before we start shopping for what we came there to buy. I’m cool with it, even if my husband generally is not. 

Target is a mom trap. It’s completely customized to your needs every time you go, and it’s always got new stuff. These marketing people are geniuses, I tell you. GENIUSES. When I am thinking about planning a birthday party, the Dollar Spot will be filled with tiny gift bags of an adorable nature, name tags, banners, cards, tiny chalk boards… essentially everything I would need to pull off a perfect Pinterest party. It’s all right there. Every time. If I’m thinking about how nice the weather is and how I want to get the kids outside, then you best believe the Dollar Spot will be filled with tiny sunglasses, hats, balls, frisbees, chalk, bubbles, snack cups, and mini sunscreens. What about when I’m thinking about organizing my life and writing thank-you notes? I walk in, and I find these.

Planners, binders, dividers, post-its, notepads, clipboards, and stationary– all matching of course. How did they know?? This has got to be some kind of a conspiracy.

They always have exactly what I need before I even know that I need it. I mean, just take my money, k thanks. The only things that were actually on my list were lightbulbs, batteries, and bobby pins. It was going to be a quick trip, $20 max. In and out. But no. Here I am $57.34 later with a buggy full of organizational crap, an assorted variety of darling notepads, and some new pens. Because I fell for it AGAIN. A basic mom’s attempts at resisting the temptation of Target marketing probably are and will always be futile. If I go to Target with my kids and without a spotter, I will buy the things (because I really do need it, okay?). It’s just an inevitable part of the basic mom struggle. And don’t even get me started on the fact that they’ve started opening Starbucks inside the stores. Next thing you know, they’ll be selling Uggs and Lululemon by the front door. It’s okay, Target, you win. WE KNOW.

Basic moms are doomed from the second they walk into the magical realm that is Target.