With all of the tough sh*t that’s been going on in my life this year, I was due for something good to happen. Some kind of silver lining. Right? I mean, come on.
The moment I’ve been waiting for for my entire life has finally come.
I am going to be the mother of a child without a penis. I am going to be the mother. of. a. girl.
Savannah James. Savannah, because it’s southern and gorgeous, and James, after her big brother and great grandfather.
I seriously can’t even. The bonnets. The ruffles. The lace. The Lilly. This materialistic momma’s mind is on overdrive thinking about pink things, Lilly things, mommy and mini matching things– and the perfect nursery. I am so excited I can’t stand it. I never in a million years thought I was going to get to have a girl because we only seem to make boys. I really didn’t think it would ever happen, but it was always on my bucket list. We got the early blood test done that they offer now– it actually tests for genetic defects, but a fun perk is getting to learn the baby’s gender. Baby is absolutely genetically healthy and absolutely a girl. I was so excited to get that phone call.
I love being a boy mom. I’m good at being a boy mom. Boys are fun, and I’m so grateful for mine. Being a boy mom for three years is something I will treasure forever. One of my favorite seasons of life for sure. These faces. They are my heart.
But y’all. I may be able to hang with the boys– talk football, get down and dirty, play catch, and run around with the best of ’em, but deep down, I am the ultimate girly girl. The girl that loves all the pink, Lilly, shopping, and sparkly things. I have had so much fun dressing my boys in their little southern smocked monogrammed glory, but adding a girl to the mix just takes things to a whole new level. And I’m so excited.
Matt is really excited too. He is probably more relieved than anything because he knew I would want to keep trying until we got a girl. Now the pressure is off. Not that we are stopping at three, because I don’t think we will.
Anyways, that’s the happy part of this post. Y’all know you can always count on me for something dramatic to happen.
FAIR WARNING FOR ANY GUYS READING THIS WHO DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT LADY THINGS.
I am scheduled to get a cervical cerclage (sounds about as pleasant as it is) tomorrow due to what happened with baby James. This is a preventative measure, just in case the issue was in fact an incompetent cervix. It probably wasn’t, since I had two normal, full-term deliveries prior to James; but we chose not to have an autopsy done, so we will never know for sure the cause. This weekend was extremely stressful because I had some bleeding. Bleeding during pregnancy can be normal, but it can also be a sign of something more ominous. Of course, with all of the bad news we’ve gotten this year, I was absolutely sure that we were going to get to the doctor’s office, and they were not going to be able to find a heartbeat. I was sure that we were going to be losing this baby. When you’re in a situation where your one-year-old is diagnosed with cancer a few months after you lose a child halfway through a pregnancy, it’s hard not to be bitter and pessimistic. Maybe a better word is skeptical– and definitely guarded.
Luckily, they were able to bring me in for an emergency ultrasound to check things out, and everything looked great with our little girl. Her heartbeat was fluttering on the screen, and she was moving all around and proudly displaying her girl parts for us to see. I can’t even begin to describe the sense of relief I felt in that moment. One minute, I was preparing myself for more bad news, and the next, I was seeing a healthy, living baby on the screen. So many emotions. I don’t know what I would’ve done if Matt hadn’t been with me. I am so thankful for his ability to keep it together. It comes in handy when I go all basket case.
So for now, everything is fine with our little girl. But since I’ve experienced the heartbreak that is losing a child, I won’t really be able to breathe that sigh of relief until I am holding a healthy, living baby girl in my arms. Those of you that pray for Reese, please throw a prayer in there for our little Savannah James too. Pray that she continues to grow and thrive for the next few months and that she is born healthy. I am going to be forever indebted to y’all for these prayers, but that’s okay because I know they work.
And y’all– I’m going to be a girl mom! WHAT WHAT.