DISCLAIMER: This post is not me pointing out my husband’s flaws. I love him, he’s my BFF, and we get each other. But sometimes we get on each other’s nerves (because that’s life), and I am not writing this to throw him under the bus or to make him look inferior to me. He is a very intelligent human being– he’s a doctor, actually– but this post is just meant to shed light on the differences between the male and female mind. (AND P.S. I actually let Matt read every post before I post it– just to be sure that he’s cool with it, so he’s read this one, and he even laughed a little bit).
My husband has been annoying me this week. So I thought I’d write a little somethin’ somethin’ that might be able to help. Maybe. At least a little bit. Because when I sit down and think about all of the individual reasons I’m annoyed and/or frustrated, it’s kind of hard to pin point the exact cause, and I usually can’t remember. AMIRIGHT?
I probably come off to him as a crazy hormonal beyotch that just nags and asks him to do things. And he comes off to me like an inconsiderate lazy person. It’s a vicious cycle, and the source for many an argument. This is why I’ve realized it’s best to just use my talents (i.e. mothering) and treat my husband like one of the children. Don’t get me wrong. I totally respect my husband, and we see each other as equals (although I am the queen, but whatevs). I don’t treat him like a child in every aspect of life, but sometimes it’s just necessary. Because guys’ minds don’t work like ours do, ladies. They just don’t. And instead of trying to change him (because you will fail, and it will piss you off), sometimes you just need to baby him a little bit.
So I am making him a list. There are three things this week that I want him to work on to be a better husband, and in turn, I will be less stressed out and annoyed, and my sparkling, charming, loving personality will come back to allow me to be the best little wifey and momma I can be.
(1) When I ask you to do something, do not question me. Make like Nike, and JUST DO IT. And do it the way I asked you to do it. Don’t deviate.
ME: Hey babe, can you please get the boys’ sippy cups ready and put them in the car?
HIM: Why do they need sippy cups when we’re just going out to lunch, and there are going to be drinks there?
ME: (blank stare– thinking in my head “why can’t you just do what I ask you to do?????”) Because I just always pack sippy cups for them, just in case we decide to go somewhere else unexpected later.
Obviously I’ve already gone over every possible scenario in my head, and the result is me asking you to do something. Because I need it to be done, and I’ve deemed it a good idea. It’s going to benefit you and me. I wouldn’t ask you to do something unless I really needed you to do it. Otherwise, I’d just do it myself. Things come up when you have kids. I plan my day on the fly. There’s no schedule. Sorry not sorry. I need my freaking sippy cups. Just make them like I asked you to, please. K thanks.
(2) Do not argue with me. Accept what I say as if I were reading to you from the Bible. Because I am right 99.9% of the time, and my way is the best way. There is some room for error, but I’ve gotten pretty good at this whole momming thing, and I’m also extremely intelligent, so I’m not usually wrong. Don’t waste time thinking about how to prove me wrong because I promise you, I’m already two steps ahead. Just listen to what I say, and don’t try to analyze it. You will only confuse yourself. Take the things I say for what they are at face value. Don’t try to read between the lines.
(3) Be aware of your surroundings. If the trash looks like it’s getting full, take it out. The recycling that is sitting on the counter waiting to be taken out? You can do that right on your way out the door without missing a beat. If there are toys on the floor that I missed (or maybe I didn’t feel like picking up), just toss them into the baskets that I have set out all around the house to make your life more convenient. Just pick it up off the floor. If there are leftovers in the fridge that you insisted on saving, but you’re really not planning on eating them, then just go ahead and throw them away. Just take the initiative to do a couple of things like this, and I promise, you will be rewarded.
If all goes according to plan, and these directions are followed, then I look forward to being in a pleasant mood this week. Happy wife = happy life. That is absolutely true. The less stressed I am, the more pleasant our lives all are. Feel free to share this with your husbands. Because contrary to what we might think, they can’t read our minds. Sometimes they just need to be told what to do. And most of the time, they like it. Wink wink.